


And Through The Smoke, I Find You There

by rainbowpandas



Series: Huskerdust Week 2021 [5]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Graphic Description of a Dissociative Episode, Hallucinogens, Husk is Bad At Feelings (Hazbin Hotel), M/M, Panic Attacks, Soft Husk (Hazbin Hotel), bad drug trip, physical grounding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:00:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29344749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowpandas/pseuds/rainbowpandas
Summary: At the tail end of a high, Angel's PCP trip turns bad. Husk helps him through it as best he can.For Days 3 (Protection/Sanctuary) and 4 (Useless/ Worthy) of Huskerdust Week 2021
Relationships: Angel Dust/Husk (Hazbin Hotel)
Series: Huskerdust Week 2021 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2149338
Comments: 8
Kudos: 83





	And Through The Smoke, I Find You There

**Author's Note:**

> CONTENT WARNING: This fic has detailed descriptions of a PCP high, PCP hallucinations, panic attacks and a dissociative episode! Please be careful when reading!
> 
> I do not condone the use of drugs or alcohol, especially as coping tools.

There were tiny sparkles in the trails he saw floating around him, like little twinkly auroras following every object. It made everything more bearable, more soft at the seams. Even in a loud and crowded club, the fuzziness that hallucinogens brought helped Angel Dust feel more at ease. After decades of drug use, the spider demon knew how much PCP he needed to get a pleasant, floaty high, without risking going on a rage-induced bender. Right now he felt more akin to an acid trip; like he was gliding gently, surrounded by pretty colors and euphoric touches of wobbly light, disconnected from corporeal forms.

When everything was slow and the sharp corners were gone Angel didn’t feel like he was putting on a façade as much. The giggles the white powder brought helped him charm his clients and the blurring of edges made the night go by quickly. And thankfully Val was busy tonight with Vox so the crowd was mostly big spending VIPS. A good hit followed by a lot of liquor, a lot of blowjobs and a lot of money was Angel’s night in summary. And, thankfully, no one had tried to keep him later than he wanted to stay.

Walking through the hotel doors in a daze, the spider demon let his eyes wander. He didn’t remember what time it was. Late. It was late. Late enough for Charlie to not be awake to yell at him for coming back to the hotel before his high wore off. He probably still had an hour or two before he began to sober up. Maybe three. Who knew? Who cared? He could breathe through the rest of his trip in his room with his rainbow light and Fat Nuggets and a good playlist to keep his mind from drifting too far away. He preferred coming down with other people but he’d make do. At least he didn’t have to stay with Val.

Angel had felt his eyes wandering, scanning the walls and looking at every repetitive detail in the wallpaper. Worm, apple, wings, worm, apple, wings, worm- or was it a snake? Was it a snake? Lucifer was a snake, right? A snake with an apple and wings. The wallpaper seemed to slither and writhe as Angel stared, giggling when it looked like the snake’s tail waved at him. He blinked and it was still again.

The spider took a few steps, looking at the textures in every picture frame, the feelings in every photograph. And then suddenly he was staring at a picture of himself. In the outfit he wore out to the club tonight. That was weird. Weird, very weird. How did Charlie get this painting? He looked pretty but where did she get it? It took him a moment to realize the picture was moving. But real moving, not hallucination moving. A mirror. It was a mirror, not a painting or a photograph. 

A mirror.

It sucked him in, like a pit without a bottom. The mirror was forever and always and never and sometimes and very real but far away and Angel couldn’t keep his eyes from burrowing further and further into the reflection. 

And then he stared for a little too long.

Somehow, hidden behind his own red pupils, there was Val. Valentino. He was there. His cruel, gluttonous smile burning bright and sharp and hungry. He was leering. Looming. Growing. Red smoke swirled from between his teeth, his vile tongue beckoning like it was full of poisonous promises. The smoke began to spill out now and Angel couldn’t look away. He could only focus on the ferocious, lying grin. Only the pointy red teeth and crimson smoke pouring from a purple mouth that wanted to use him. Hurt him. Violate him. Until, his eye caught one of the sparkles he was surrounded by earlier.

But it wasn’t a sparkle anymore. 

It shifted. Morphed into something too bright and too harsh, like a barrage of bullets. Bullets everywhere. There were bullets and they were coming for Angel but Val held him still. Held his legs still. Angel wanted to run. He heard shouts in Italian. 

The Family. 

They were coming. Coming to get him and the bullets wouldn’t stop pulsing in the air around him instead of flying towards his flesh. Why wouldn’t they just hit him? Get it over with so he could stop anticipating the impact. Why did they look like they were breathing on their own? He tried to turn his head but Val was smiling his horrible smile and squirming his twisted tongue and holding Angel’s body stiff.

And then suddenly there were eyes. His father’s eyes. Somehow, they were there, in the walls. Even though Angel couldn’t focus on them, he knew they were there. So many of the same eyes. They judged him, ridiculed him, _hated_ him. Those cold eyes that told him he was a disappointment, a failure. A mistake. 

The more he looked in the mirror the worse it got. 

And the smile and the bullets and the harsh eyes all bore into Angel’s lungs like rusty hooks covered in spikes. Breathing was hard. Had breathing ever been this hard before? As he tried to suck in air, he saw Val and his father and the guns become one amorphous entity, looming and painful. Coming for him. _Coming for him._ **_Coming for him._ **

Angel couldn’t move. He couldn’t run. He couldn’t think. Everything was slow and glaring and it hurt. So much of it hurt. Terror coursed through the spider’s veins like ice and all he wanted was to get smaller. Get away. Shrink and let the monsters pass over him.

And then suddenly. A soft...something. A noise. A voice. Pulling him from the ether. Between the thick smoke and the army of glowing red eyes that undulated with stinging venom and disdain, an echo of reality reached out to grab him.

“Kid? Legs??....Angel?” 

Husk had seen Angel come into the hotel lobby with an unstable stroll a while ago but didn’t think much of it. When five minutes of looking in the mirror turned to twenty, the bartender had just assumed it was another night of Angel hyperfixating during his trip. When twenty turned to forty-five, he became confused. And then he saw Angel Dust begin to shake, clench his fists, and lock his knees. Husk had never seen him do that before and he was...worried. Then Husk’s ears twitched when he heard the sniffling. The sound of crying was what made the cat decide enough was enough. He and Angel may not have been super close emotionally, though they had been physically intimate from time to time. But he did like the spider….in a complicated way that made him keep his distance. Husker had just decided that making sure Angel was okay was more important than his own cowardly bullshit.

So he had walked over, calling Angel’s name until he came to his senses and finally turned his head.

“Angel? Are you okay?” Husk watched as a few errant tears rolled down the spider demon’s face. He’d never seen him cry before. “What the fuck is goin’ on?”

Husk’s soft, deep voice snapped Angel from his stupor. It gave him an anchor back to the plane he could land his feet on. Once he broke past the veil of corrupted visions, Angel could feel the wet that had been spilling from his eyes against his will. He sucked in air slowly, like breathing was still a risk, like it would hurt his chest again. But the cat’s presence calmed Angel and soon he was taking smooth, shallow inhales and exhales without worrying there was something dangerous hovering around him.

Angel Dust looked at Husk again, finally registering that he’d placed a paw on his shoulder. It felt nice. Familiar. The spider knew Husk’s body. He’d felt it before...never in this state of inebriation, but it was still Husk. He was soft, both in his body and in his heart. What Angel knew of it, anyway. Neither one of them wanted to explore much past the physical. It was scary to go that far. Not because they were afraid of rejection...but because they both knew there was something there.

“Let’s get you upstairs. Before you start staring at other random shit. Okay?” Husk tried to keep his tone casual.

“Mm..kay. I don’t...like the wall eyes. My room doesn’t have wall eyes.”

“Whatever you say, Legs.” The cat rolled his eyes but was quietly glad Angel had finally said something. The fact that he hadn’t said a word for a while was definitely beginning to feel unnerving.

It took a bit but eventually Husk had guided the spider demon to the elevator and up to his room, though Angel kept having moments where he would start to tense and shake or stare again. Whatever he’d seen in his hallucination still seemed to be haunting him. As someone who relied on alcohol to suppress his inner demons, Husk didn’t really get why someone would subject themselves to the unpredictability of drugs. But he’d never say that to Angel Dust. Commenting on the spider’s drug use wasn’t his job or his business. And it’d be hypocritical of him to act like he wasn’t drowning his own shit in illicit substances. The most he could do was support Angel through whatever his vice dished as a side effect. Like a friend would do. Like someone who cared about him would do.

Husk guided Angel down the hall and soon they were in his room. The cat demon saw the tension melt a bit from Angel’s shoulders when they crossed the threshold into his bedroom. Long legs stumbled forward, Husk helping the spider walk over and lay down on his bed, propping a pillow underneath his head. 

Heterochromatic eyes looked at the bartender’s face as he sat next to him. His face was fuzzy. Nice. Not angry like he was when he was downstairs. But he was never angry in Angel’s room. Annoyed, yeah, but never ever angry. Angel finally felt his body relax a little. There were no wall eyes in this room. He might not have felt safe yet but he knew he didn’t have to run now.

When Angel seemed comfortable, Husk stood, looking for a cup to get him a glass of water. If the old curmudgeon knew anything, it was that Angel always got dry mouth after a trip. But before he could step away from the bed, Angel’s hand lazily stretched out to bump the back of his paw.

“Husk, will ya stay...with me?” Angel asked, a vulnerability in his voice that Husk hadn’t heard before. “Stay and talk ta me. Your voice...it helps.”

The spider wasn’t quite ready to let go of the man next to him. It was selfish but...he wanted his company. Angel Dust wanted to close his eyes to keep the monsters away. And he felt safer doing that if Husk was still around. His rough voice helped keep the foundation beneath him from cracking. It helped him ignore how harsh the lights still were.

“Uh...yeah. Yeah, I can do that.” Husker was surprised but, against his better judgment, kind of happy Angel wanted him there. Wanted him to stay even though he wasn’t his normal, confident self. It showed Angel trusted Husk, at least a little. So he sat back down at the edge of the bed and started to talk. “So uh….today Niffty needed help cleaning the bookshelves in the library so I helped her with that by flying her around. I made a fancy cocktail for Vaggie. She wanted a Mai Tai so I put a lot of fruit garnishes on it. Uh….Al didn’t come around much…..”

Angel Dust listened, trying to close his eyes to block out the physical world. But he couldn’t. It was like everything was at a screeching halt and something would jump out at any moment. His eyes were wide. He needed something to focus on. Something to dim the lights that still burned. Something to keep his eyes from seeing that smile and smoke again.

“Husk...I need somethin’ ta…..look at....It’s not right right now. It’s too fuckin’ _still_.” The spider demon began to feel the foundation fall out from beneath him. He hated this. “Can ya...turn my light on?”

A pink finger bumped a small, round LED lamp, trying to find the switch, but Angel was clearly still too detached to do anything of the sort. Husk flipped it on for him and watched as it glowed, slowly flowing through all the colors of the rainbow. Angel looked at it and sighed a bit, but he was still rigid and wide-eyed.

“I can..uh...show ya a card trick if you want? Do some shuffles or some shit? Would that help?”

The pink demon nodded and tried to sit up when he saw Husk pull a deck out from under his hat. The cat rolled his eyes, helping Angel shift his back against the headboard, and then sat next to him so that the sides of their bodies were touching. Elbow to elbow, hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder. Soft black fur touching pink fuzz. 

It was safe. It was warm. They had touched before, of course. They had done things way more intense. But in this moment, the contact felt different, especially to the spider demon. This wasn’t the lustful touching he was used to with Husker. It was so soft, so tender and it hummed underneath his skin. He turned his focus to the cards as Husk began to shuffle them, in hopes he could stop thinking about how much he enjoyed cuddling closer to the cat demon.

The snuggling contact made Husk flush; he told himself it was to help keep Angel stable, to prevent him from falling over or hurting himself. But this type of intimacy without sex was...a lot. Nerve-wracking. The older demon huffed, moving to pay attention to what his paws were doing instead of the pretty spider next to him.

Husker bridged the cards and they interlocked with a rippling sound. It was nice. Calming.

“I like this. It helps. Keeps my mind from…. feelin things. More please.” Angel let his head fall onto Husk’s shoulder as he watched the hypnotic shuffling of cards. And as he stared, the lights around him dimmed from painful back to twinkly aurora. Serene.

Husker gave a mumble of affirmation and continued to cascade the cards in the same repetitive motions. He talked to Angel about nothing and everything. How to mix certain cocktails, complicated magic tricks, stories about jobs that Al had sent him on. He felt his heart beat just a bit faster every time Angel nuzzled further into his side or rubbed a pink cheek into the crook of his neck. He hoped he was making things better but...he was also afraid. Afraid about what it meant to have Angel leaning on him like this. He wanted to keep the walls between them because that made the most sense. Feelings would only make this harder in the end.

But Husk kept the cards moving anyway.

Angel listened and watched the deck as it ruffled together over and over again, looking at how Husk’s claws flipped and bent and handled the cards in his large paws. He was finally able to relax and let go of the nightmares that had gripped him earlier. Husk was good at helping him feel better. He always had been, even if they didn’t talk about it. Fat Nuggets eventually joined them on the bed, curling between the two demons thighs. Amidst the black fur, the pink piggie and the soothing words holding him to the present, Angel felt the drugs dissipating slowly. After an hour or so his head began to clear and, while things were still wispy at the edges, he no longer felt the need to fixate.

“Ya feelin’ better?” The cat demon felt Angel raise his head and saw him slowly pat Fat Nuggets. He felt the slim chest pressing against his arm swell with deeper, controlled breaths. It seemed like he was booting back up to a more normal headspace.

“Yeah...a bit. Thanks Husky.” The spider gave a weak smile and scanned the room cautiously to try and gauge how sober he was. Still high but not crazy hallucination high. “Fuck, I’m so thirsty.”

“Ya wanna water or somethin’?”

Angel nodded and gave a soft smile.

Husk pulled away and stood from the bed, walking across to the bathroom to fill up a cup.

For a moment Angel was fine. But as the seconds ticked, the loss of Husk’s touch began to shock his system, like all the warmth was sucked from his skin with a vacuum. Suddenly Angel felt ungrounded. Like the feelings from before were coming back. Like he was worthless and hollow and someone was coming to hurt him. The visions weren’t there but breathing was hard. The need to run returned. He couldn’t keep his form from shivering.

Angel felt like his mind was drifting above his body, like he wasn’t connected to his surroundings anymore. And the lingering PCP only made the dissociation worse. He tried to pat Fat Nuggets, which usually helped, but for some reason the sensation wasn’t enough to pull him back onto solid ground. Angel Dust didn’t feel real. A whoosh of blood in his ears was all he could hear. His breathing sped up again, wavering on each exhale. Tears welled up and spilled over, running down his cheeks. Four arms hugged Angel’s knees to his chest. The spider was hyperventilating to try and fill up his insides with something, anything that would weigh him back down to reality. None of it was working. Why wasn’t it working? Why?

The only other thing he could think to help was….

“Husk…” Angel let out a gentle, sobbing plead.

Husk heard his name called in such a fragile, frightened way and his heart froze. He dropped the empty plastic cup in his hand and sped out of the bathroom, seeing Angel stare at his comforter, sobbing and shaking in a curled up ball.

“Angel! Angel, are you okay?” The cat went over and reached out to take the spider demon in his arms, but he stopped himself. He didn’t know if touching would make things better or worse right now. More than that...Angel looked so small. So vulnerable. He didn’t want to go too far or cross a line he wasn’t supposed to. The physical stuff was one thing but the emotional parts made this risky. So Husk waited, hands hovering a few inches away from pink fur and skin.

“Husk, I know I ain’t okay right now….I’m a mess. And this is gonna sound fuckin’ weird...but,” Angel managed to tear his eyes from the bed-spread, slowing his crying as he look up at Husk’s cheek fluff, “but I need ya ta hold me. Hug me. Usually Cherri does it but...”

“Uhhhh...” Husk felt his mind almost short-circuit. They’d had sex in all levels of sobriety before. They’d touched each other in a thousand different ways. That had never been a problem, had never been something Husk gave a second thought about. But here, Angel was so raw...so exposed. This was intimate. Something like this made them both way more vulnerable than sex ever had.

There was that word again.

The cat gave a soft sigh, his chest cracking a bit at the request, scooping Angel into his arms and holding him tightly. He was terrified of being this close to Angel in such a gentle way but...the younger demon needed him.

“I gotcha, Legs.”

Angel Dust felt strong arms wrap around him, followed by fluffy red wings. The second his body was encompassed, he breathed the cat in. Tried to focus on the silky black fur around him and the scent of bourbon to keep himself from floating further out into a sea of chaos and fear. A moment ago Angel barely felt like himself or like a person at all. But Husk holding him managed to overwhelm him back into his body. Angel felt his mind settling as the cat began to purr, the vibration tethering him back to reality. He’d never felt so safe before. The spider felt himself fill up again, like his soul was being poured back into his chest. He felt his tears stop falling as the calm swept over him.

“I love it when ya purr, Husky.” Angel whispered and buried his face further into the bartender's chest.

Husk felt the sentence hit him like a ton of bricks.

Love. What a big, scary word. A beautiful word. The word they had been skating around for months. Vulnerable and love sounded so alike when they amplified in your mind. Fuck...this was so complicated.

But Angel **_was_ ** complicated. He was so many facets wrapped in a soft pink persona that people used for their own pleasure. There was pain and healing and joy in him that so few saw. Husk knew that this was a side the spider didn’t share with very many others. And he felt so special that Angel trusted him with it. It was scary but it also felt right. So unbelievably right.

As the minutes passed, the two found a solace in the tenderness between them; a tenderness that hadn’t fully been there before.

Or maybe it had been, but neither of them wanted to recognize it until now?

Husk reached up and stroked Angel’s hair, synching their breathing and letting himself push down his fear of what this might mean for them. Angel wiggled a bit to poke his face out of the white fur he’d been hiding in and gave Husk a weak smile. He looked up at him with so much unspoken gratitude that it made the cat’s heart practically burst.

Before Husk could stop himself, he leaned forward and took Angel’s lips in a kiss. He wasn’t a talker but maybe...maybe this would show Angel Dust that he was safe here. Cared about. That Husk wanted him, every facet of him.

As their lips met, Angel felt grounded, solid. Real. He returned the kiss, holding onto the cat with the same intensity he held him back. In this moment, with his lips pressed to Husk’s, Angel knew he was secure and protected and cherished. 

More than cherished. 

But they didn’t need to say it. Not tonight, anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have any experience with hallucinogens but I did a lot of research and I hope I did the description justice. 
> 
> I feel like physical grounding is a big deal for Angel so I wanted to write a fic that showed how much it meant for him and Husk alike. I really hope you all enjoyed it.
> 
> Kudos and Comments are always appreciated!
> 
> Find me on twitter @rainbowpandas23
> 
> Art by @railwynn on twitter!


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